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Passing the torch2009-09-18 00:00:00Normally I wouldn't write about a parent-teacher conference as such a topic is rarely funny and really isn't my "thing". It is far from geeky and unless the teacher in question is going to pull out a lightsaber or challenge me to a game of Risk....
....really not on topic.
But I kinda don't have a choice. In fact I'm under strict orders to retell to the world my doing of misdeeds as a type of punishment for a crime I didn't commit. I'm like the A-Team without the gold chains and theme music.
It started innocently enough - fifty or so adults crammed into a tiny classroom and trying to look serious and professional while sitting in chairs made for hobbits. The teacher prattles on about what she has in store for our children, how far they've come, and then she welcomes us to "tour" the little room and look at all of the projects they've displayed that you could literally see without leaving the comfort of your tiny desk.
She then bids her captive audience goodbye and as the herd of parents shuffle quickly towards their exit, says the words you never want to hear:
"Mister and Missus Coyote, could you stay a moment please?"
I was instantly a child again. The little "Dude! You're in trouble!" hairs prickling the back of my neck, the judging and nosey eyes of the other...
Her Majesty's Government to Relocate to Poland Shock2009-09-05 00:00:00The British Government announced today that it is relocating its centre of operations to Poland.
In what is considered to be the most radical shake-up of the British puppet administration since the Roman invasion, Parliament and Whitehall will take up residence next year in vacant warehousing facilities near the dockyards in Gdansk.
A source close to the Prime Minister said, "The government has decided to take a leaf out of private industry's book. With most public interfacing now being done via call centers in India and most of Britain's manufactured goods now being produced by slave labor in the Third World, it is the turn of the government to remove itself to a location as remote from the public as possible."
The move is believed to offer several advantages, not least of which is that it will enable the government to go about its business in peace and quiet. Poland is actually empty at this time, its population having upped sticks and moved to Britain to pursue a job vacancy at the Bingley Road Chef.
For the same reason, Polish property is cheap. T...
